Friday, January 16, 2009

alternative therapists

If your life is a rut, then you should go see an alternative therapist. They will make the rut more interesting. Maybe even give you some jumping juice to get out of the aforementioned rut.

This, as a service, has to be far more interesting than trying the GP. If you tell Dr Patel that you are fed up with your life, while a queue snakes around past the small box of broken toys and the stop smoking posters and the pharmaceutical company advertisements, he might not even bother answering you. Which would suggest he wasn't listening. Which is probably why your life is in a rut anyway, because no one listens to you.

It doesn't especially matter which alternative therapist you choose, most of them having something new to tell you and a good deal of them are good listeners. Yes, you have to pay for someone to listen to you at some points in your life.

I have preferences though. I like osteopaths, homeopaths, reiki, shiatsu, reflexologists, naturopaths and herbal therapists. I've never tried all of them at once or even more than one in a month, but if I was rich I would. For fun. How could I be in a rut with that many therapists?

I don't go in for counsellors. What's the point of them if my neck hurts and I haven't slept much lately? I'm well aware that I argued a pile with my mother - I'm visiting remarkably similar issues on my own offspring thank you.

My latest alternative therapist has psychic skills. I heard that along the grapevine, specifically when someone told me I should take my son to her to find out why he had eczema. Took me years and a bad bad headache on a deep rut day to get past that little piece of information.

So I've been twice now. Two dead people visited the room during the first session and that turned out not to be so freaky after all. Particularly as only the therapist could see them. Last week was session two. I warbled and wafted on and you know, someone was paid to listen to me being indulgent! I have to eat 75% fruit and vegetables and give up bread though. No such thing as a free moan. Even if you pay for the session.

Which is why there is a pomegranate on my kitchen bench. Even the children haven't tried to eat it yet.

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